"Thank you for Riddle. Thank you for Yanni. Thank you for Michoud. Thank you for Em. Thank you for peaceful family get togethers." SAB 10-31-1997
Jules and I went to see 'Hereafter' last night. I was touched by the underlying message even though I would have liked more, the same 'more' that would have probably given an audience more reasons to see the movie as fantasy, instead of hope.
~
Sometime in October of 1998, I heard the end sentences of an interview on the radio as I was driving home from work. A liver recipient in Fredericksburg had written a book, sharing the challenges and ultimate gifts of his journey through illness to transplant. I didn't catch his name or the name of his book, but I kept thinking about him, about his donor, about Shannon and her recipients, and made a mental note to try to find the book.
A week or so passed, the leaves were turning, the days were growing shorter, and there were days when my heart was so very heavy I couldn't believe it continued to beat. I numbly dreaded the change of seasons...the first holiday season without Shannon. The first Halloween, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas. I kept moving, trying to stay one step ahead of the ever present loneliness.
In years past, my sister and brother brought their children to Fredericksburg and we made costumes and went trick or treating in our subdivision. 
Even Emmy, wearing a headband with flashing pumpkins joined in. Shannon painted faces and carved pumpkins and held little hands in the dark. Afterward, we all had pizza. It was a tradition. A tradition that would be forever changed.
In looking back, I can see where something magical was being put in action, something that had to be a gift, from someone watching and loving. Someone I couldn't see was throwing me a lifeline.
On that chilly gray Halloween, seven months after Shannon's accident, my sister called to see if I could go by Border's to pick up a book she had ordered for school. It was my last stop, shuffled into a busy afternoon of errands. I walked up to the Information desk and asked a very pretty young woman, dressed as The Cat in the Hat, for my sister's book. She handed it to me and asked if she could help with anything else. I hesitated for moment and then started telling her about the radio interview.
"I only heard the end of the interview, but a local gentleman, a liver recipient has written a book. I didn't catch his name, or the title of the book... but I thought you might have heard of him."
She typed a few words into her computer and asked a few more questions and then apologized for not being able to help.
"I hate to intrude but did you say you were looking for a book about a liver recipient?" An older man with gray hair and kind eyes was standing beside me.
"Yes, I didn't get all of the information but I was hoping..."
"I'm John Robbins, that's my book. If you're interested, I'll be signing copies downtown tomorrow."
I introduced myself and explained that Shannon had become a donor in May, that her recipients were doing well and although we hadn't met, they were incredibly dear to us. We both got a little teary and I put my arms around him. In that moment we shared something precious that required no explanation.
On Sunday we purchased a copy of "Strings The Miracle of Life" from John and he wrote in his loose scrawling penmanship, "For Jules and Jan ~ Your generosity makes stories like mine possible. Thank you is hardly sufficient. God Bless, John." I thought about that generosity... not ours, Shannon's. Her decision when she was bearly old enough to understand what she would be giving, or the circumstances that would precipitate that gift.
I hoped, as we walked out of the bookstore, that we would have the opportunity to get to know John and his family better in time, but thirty-six days later, John joined Shannon, eleven years post transplant.
Had I gone to Border's before the grocery store instead of after, John and I wouldn't have been at that exact place at that exact moment. There are so many variables in our hectic lives, traffic, parking, choices, direction, plans...I choose to believe that our paths were meant to cross, that some where, someone had nudged us just enough to make that meeting inevitable. We almost missed each other. I'm sure he had no idea that weeks later he would meet Shannon, or the impact he had had on us.
~
October 1997
"Family is almost back to normal. Germanna job is done, but I still haven't been paid. I have subbed, and I'm not interested enough to want to be a teacher. I have passed the Bell Atlantic tests, now it's up to them as to whether or not they need or want me. Still overweight, still have acne, still manless, but I'm happy where I am, although it would be nice to have a job. In the last month I've learned that the most important person to listen to and trust is myself. I know that God will help guide me in the right direction and let things happen when they're supposed to, I just have to trust that I'll pick up on the signs when I'm supposed to."
Me too, my Sweetheart, me too !